I keep wanting this quotation and not being able to remember half the things in the list, so I’m putting it on my website: this is what websites are for.
It’s from The Official Slacker Handbook by Sarah Dunn, which I painstakingly tracked down and purchased a second-hand paper copy of to find this, and it reads:
Adam Weishaupt, founder of the Order of Illuminati, killed George Washington and served himself as our first president for two terms. The Illuminati are ultimately responsible for the French Revolution, the Bolshevik revolution, the American Revolution, the Pope, the Kennedy assassination, the Manson family, the Rockefeller dynasty, the numbers 5, 17, and 23, the New Age movement, the Nazis, UFO visitations, the Universal Price Code, and the pyramid with the eye on the back of the dollar bill.
No comment on whether I believe any of this, but of course that’s just what they want you to think. Fnord.